For a long time, the traditional conversation around sex between women and men has focused on what was visible, namely, men's erections and ejaculations. When women’s pleasure entered the mix, it was often rendered “invisible”. I put it in quotation marks as, well, we all know it is not invisible, but it was often claimed to not have the equal “money shot” (a.k.a. ejaculation) as the male counterpart. Research also shows that orgasm is prioritized in heterosex, and there is a bunch of research on faking orgasms just to validate a partner's performance (you may have heard of the orgasm-gap).
But what happens when a highly visible, visceral bodily response like squirting takes center stage? My recent qualitative study explored how cisgender women navigate the interpersonal dynamics and scripts that emerge when their male partners encounter squirting. The findings show that far from being a simple, neutral physiological event, squirting has become a socially charged milestone heavily vulnerable to a partner's interpretation.
Through in-depth interviews, I mapped out four primary "squirting scripts" that dictate these intimate encounters: Validated, Avoided, Desired, and Coerced. While a validating response gave women the relief needed to actually relax and enjoy themselves, all too often the experience flipped into more polarized territory. On one hand, a lack of awareness of squirting (which I call a “missing script”) caused some partners to pull away in confusion or disgust. On the other hand, a booming interest and pornographic representations have put squirting on a pedestal, framing it as the ultimate "receipt" of a partner's sexual prowess and technical skill.
This is where I suggest we encounter the rise of a new "squirting imperative". When squirting is treated as an undeniable trophy or proof of climax, it ceases to be about the woman’s internal experience and shifts into an externalized, performative hunt. At its worst, this obsession morphs into coercion, where women feel intense pressure, nagging, or are subjected to rough, standardized techniques by partners determined to induce a squirt. This risks prioritizing a goal-oriented display over women’s subjective pleasure. If we truly want to foster sexual liberation and mutual autonomy, we need to dismantle these rigid expectations and remember that genuine satisfaction cannot be measured by a visible metric.
My study "Squirting Scripts: Navigating Validation, Avoidance, Desire, and Coercion in Sexual Encounters Between Women and Men" is published in Archives of Sexual Behavior.
You can read the full paper here!